FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY (1981) – 20th March 2014, The Cuban, Harbourside

Meet Agent 00: He’s lethal, charming and only three feet tall…

For Your Height Only poster

With the success of the James Bond series, rip-offs were inevitable, but none were as hilarious or bizarre as For Y’ur Height Only, a badly dubbed midget spy film from the Philippines.

The star of the film? Ernesto de la Cruz, a.k.a. Weng Weng, an actor whose primordial dwarfism only allowed him to grow to a height of 2 feet and 9 inches. However he refused to let his height stop him from following his dream of becoming a martial artist superstar.

Training hard throughout his life, including being taught by Bruce Lee student Dan Inosanto, Weng Weng appeared in several local films until he was cast by Hong Kong filmmaker Raymond Jury in the role of Agent 00.

It’s fair to say that the film is essentially an excuse to show Weng Weng ‘beat up’ assorted goons in a variety of situations.

Whether he’s kicking people in the tailbone (and knocking them out as a result), the genitals or sliding across the floor shooting his pistol, the film is not afraid to keep hitting the audience over the head with the fact that the hero is a midget. In fact if you love seeing people repeatedly kicked in the groin, forget Jackass: The Movie, this is the film for you.

Weng Weng

The plot is paper-thin: Agent 00 is called into find the brilliant scientist Dr. Kohler, who has been kidnapped by an evil organisation headed by the mysterious “Mr Giant”. To find him, Agent 00 must wade through an army of henchman (who actually call themselves ‘baddies’ and are dedicated to “exterminating the forces of good – lethally.”) and seduce a number of women.

However it is the dubbing (as well as the bizarre antics you’re witnessing on screen) that make this a must-see.

Whoever did the Western dubbing track was clearly a genius. Despite the cast all being Filipino, he clearly thought the way to go was throwing in a bunch of Mexican, English and ‘redneck’ accents (reportedly all provided by American expats (and Apocalypse Now survivors) Jim Gaines and Nick Nicholson). One Asian henchman is even called ‘Paco’. You won’t believe your ears.

The film was a massive hit and even spawned a sequel (The Impossible Kid), but in March it is the ‘original’ that we will be screening to Bristol.

When: 8.00pm, 20th March 2014

Location: The Cuban, Harbourside, BS1 5SZ

Tickets: £5 (in advance)/£6 (on the door) (all profits going to the Children’s Liver Disease Foundation)

The Cuban is also offering food for the screening, so for £10 you can get your advance ticket PLUS one of the following:
Quesadillas (chilli beef / chicken / vegetarian);
Empanadas (chilli beef / chicken / vegetarian); or
Nachos (chilli beef / chorizo / plain cheese [vegetarian]).

Tickets available here

“Mr. Giant has kidnapped the brilliant Dr. Van Kohler and is planning to use the Doctor’s invention, the N-bomb, to hold the world hostage. The only one who can foil Mr. Giant’s evil scheme is Agent 00, a 3-foot-tall filipino martial arts master, expert marksman, top-class romancer and all-around superspy. Can Agent 00 rescue Dr. Kohler before it’s too late?”

“Whoever voiced Weng Weng clearly did a few lines of coke chased with some helium before getting on the mic”

“I doubt if Weng Weng needed all of that hardcore martial arts training because it seems as though Filipino baddies have problems spotting a 2’9″ midget in a leisure suit who is more than willing to kick them in the weiner boobs.”

“The phrase “critic proof” was probably invented to describe For Your Height Only. It’s hard not to admire such misguided filmmaking.” Cinematic Catharsis